Fylde 0 v Marine 0
The prefab dressing rooms look like something out of Tenko - but with less sun and more rain. Clad in military green, they wouldn't look out of place as POW blocks in Escape to Victory or some other wartime epic. It's raining cats and dogs.
So while the players change into their Marine fatigues, we decamp to the nearby Birley Arms for rations. Inside it's a bit Top Gun with RAF warplane photographs everywhere (at nearby BAE Systems Wharton they produce Typhoon Euro-fighters).
And they're assembling an impressive arsenal of their own in the Birley kitchens. Plates the size of Slovenia. Food glorious food, enough for armies to march on.
So, to the flight-of-fancy that is AFC Fylde. Here, it's all about the build, the project, the creation of something bigger. The club gaze dreamily into the future with plans for an 8,000 seater stadium. The prefab changies will be the first to go.
I hope Fylde find the other missing 7,900 supporters for when they hit the jackpot. From what I can see, the existing support consists of wealthy businessmen and half a dozen juvenile delinquents trying to run amok in the Marine end.
The most impressive thing here is the giant electronic scoreboard which is pure Premiership. It's a pity the PA system is on the blink. David Bowie's Heroes is stop-start-stop-start-stop before disappearing altogether. Probably submerged under water.
The banner behind the goal optimistically insists: "2022 - STOP US IF YOU CAN". The Fylde vision is league status in just nine years time. But is this a fantasy beyond reach?
The rain falls hard on Kellamergh Park.
And it's very Blade Runner at a club whose nickname is "the Coasters". Jo Cross is unimpressed: "Coasters? Marine is nearer to the sea than Fylde is..."
One Mariner laments the surrounding bleakness: "There's more atmosphere on the moon." The Marine performance is certainly stellar. Up for the dogfight, we get among Fylde and work like hell.
As Will Jones and Andy Fowler go close, the bespeckled Harry Potter lookalike in the cafe on work-experience is flipping burgers and accidentally wrong-changing punters. No doubt envious of his classmates on placement at BAE Systems who are busy assembling the latest multi-role combat aircraft.
A marvellous point at the home of the future Champions of Europe (season 2032).